Kid cudi.. All Alone says it all. I need to get away. Get out of here.

So here I go again. I feel like I need to break free from everything. I need to go out there and see for myself or else I’m always gunna be at this one spot. I want feel like I’m living for something again. I’m just a wandering soul needed to find its way back to my former self. One that stood for something solid and knowing for the fact that things will be alright. Once I get there I will see a new light. That’s only when….?

Dj drama.

I think I have proven I committed a few deadly sins. Gluttony sloth and envy. I really hate to think of it but I know in my mind and heart I possess these qualities. I need to get up my ass and start a fire somewhere move somewhere and be on with it. I’ve always be this way holding Back for the sake of others come to think of it I need to better myself. I also haven’t had to be around friends lately. Alienating big time I don’t fully forgive or forget. I guess u call it half pride and wrath. I don’t have the energy to waste it on those who don’t give a shit about you.

I need a big change in my life. I got to do something about it. Either look into getting a certificate in something that’ll interest me. Go back for my masters degree. Apply at different agencies. Call back at the internship. Or call Karla the social worker I met. If not I’m just gunna ride through this life without knowing my full potential. In my Mind I need to stop and think for a second life is moving so fast I can’t get a grip on it. Either I help Makara With the side job and keep both jobs AGM and the office n go to school at the same time. I don’t really know.

Meatballs.

Fudge brownies.

Accomplished! Tested my baking skills. Made lean turkey meatballs stuffed inside a red bell pepper n tomatoes. Ate three brownies with raspberries.

I have two jobs. I have a bachelors degree. I work as a waitress and a receptionist. Both could’ve been easily obtained as a high school student but here I am a 25 year old with nothing to offer. I am obsessed with being fit. I ate a zinger today. Yet I manage to stay at the same weight for a year and a month now. Don’t know how that is possible but my body has changed dramatically. Today was one of the laziest day I’ve had in a while. I started one of my books today. Really good i must say. No exercise for three days now. Drank spoiled soy milk two days ago. Drank spoiled almond milk yesterday. What a fail. Now my stomach is all gurgle n gassy. Need to stop eating do much sugar! My grandpa passed away. To this day, I still blame myself. Haven’t blogged like this in a minute. Feels great. Time: 331am. Haven’t been up this late since I started exercising and eating and sleeping right in a very long time. No good but deserving in a way. I need to find my career path. Soon. Stable for now. Havent talked or seen my friends since my grandpas passing. It has been one month and 20 days. I will always feel his presence his laughter his voice around me. Walking pass me or sitting or walking around the house in the backyard having dinner at 9. Remembering what he like or didn’t like. Can’t figure out the last word he had me explain to him it was on the travel channel I believe.. Need to sleep. Might not even workout in the morning which I promised myself to do so. Will be back. No more Facebook. Too many unwanted faces to look at daily. Some “friends” unfriend me for personal reasons. Great. I have enemies. Frienemies. I could really care less. It was not my failt. What a hoebag. I dont need friends. Need to get tattoo pronto. For me and my grandpa.